Yay summer!

So, SO happy warm weather has finally arrived--and so are my strawberry plants.
I think that all the wet/cool weather depressed them too much, they all turned brown and looked like they were dead.  But now the sun isn't being completely blocked and the plants have all bounced back.  There's even a flower on one of the plants!  That can only mean fruit should follow soon.  And since I'm hoping to plant a raspberry starter plant this weekend, more fruit might join the strawberries.

One of the aspen trees we planted last month(?) doesn't appear to be doing well.  There's been no growth, despite the fact that the branches are pliable and don't snap into pieces.  We're contemplating replacing it with a fruit tree of some kind.  I'd love to get an apricot or plum tree.  I'm going to call a local nursery and see what they say about it.  Gotta have my fruit!

I've gotten up every day and done something outside this week.  It feels incredible.  It feels like I haven't been in the office in weeks, not days.  There's so little stress, and so much time to do what I want/need to do that I'm giddy.
The dogs are enjoying it, too.  I've taken them for a walk at the county park on Monday, Wednesday and today.  Tuesday I mowed, and it was windy during the day, so they didn't get the exercise they needed.
Tomorrow might not be a good day to go, either.  All the walking has been hurting my untried feet.  I've got a blister waiting to make an appearance, I can just feel it.  So now I'm reading up on preparations for walking--the lubrication, appropriate socks, and other blister prevention.  Hopefully I'll be a walking fool by the end of the summer!

Denver trip is on the horizon.  The Mister and I are both very much looking forward to some time away, just the two of us, to relax and not have to think about work or stuff to do around the house.  Still trying to figure out things to do.  So far I'm planning on the zoo, the science museum, and seeing Harry Potter 7:2 at the Imax theater, since it'll be coming out the weekend we're there.
I've also signed up on groupon.com and livingsocial.com to hopefully find some deals for stuff to do in Denver before we actually go.  Waiting to make hotel reservations until closer to the trip because hotwire.com prices tend to go down the more immediate the trip.

My lovely cousin gave birth to a big boy yesterday--9 lbs 6 oz!  After over a full day of labor, they finally had to do a C-section because he just wasn't cooperating.  Now I really want to go visit, and try to help.  Unfortunately, said lovely cousin thinks I need her time & attention when all I want to do is give her whatever help she might need while she adjusts to being a mother.  It would be so amazing to meet a newborn.  I've never gotten a chance to...
And since I'm not working, it's not like I'm using up vacation time....

Staying home: day 1

Today I woke up at the crack of 7 AM, slugged around for about an hour.  By 8 I was ready to use my legs for something other than a dog-headrest.
Breakfast, showered, filed all the bills in an attempt to clear off the messy desk so I have room to work.
10:20ish met up with a lovely friend for a walk at the county park with the furkids, then down to Fresco Cafe for lunch and more chat.
Had to get the windshield fixed--picked up a couple of rock chips over the weekend's travels.  Came home to let the dogs out and wait for a check so I can put it in the account and talk to someone at the branch about an IRA, since that's one of my options for the mandatory retirement account that I've got from work.  No idea what IRAs are about, need all the help I can get.
The Mister came home early since he's not feeling well, so I went out to the garden and pulled out some weeds....and cat poo.  Smudge is apparently using that as her personal outdoor litter box.  Ugh.  Going to need to make the cage for that sooner than later looks like....
Productive day, all in all.  Hoping I can get my nose to the desk tomorrow, definitely by Wednesday.

Friday I did something I've known I'd do for a couple of years....

11 inches less of hair!

After further consideration....

Prior to my boss being in the position she is, there was a bad boss.  Someone that, no matter who I've spoken to, not a kind word has been said.
I realize now that B (mentioned in a previous post) didn't get along with the Old Bad Boss because they were too alike.  I've been put in the position of having nothing nice to say about B, just like others have felt about Old Bad Boss.  The bad attitude, negative personality, and other qualities sound just like OBB...

What a mess!

I started feeling funky on Saturday, minor fever (100.8ºF), some chills, fatigue.  Figuring it was just a bug, I took a nap--it lasted a little longer than my norm, but if I was fighting off something, that makes sense, right?
Sunday day was fine, but during the evening I started feeling yucky again, running the same minor fever.  My right eye started to feel irritated and when I rubbed it, it really hurt.  No idea why.
Monday I woke up feeling mostly fine, but as the day wore on I started getting a sore throat and fatigue set in again.  I went to bed early and woke up feeling pretty refreshed considering I thought I was coming down with a cold.  The sore throat wasn't any worse than last night.

Then I looked in the mirror.  My face was all broke out!  Not with pimples, just red splotches.  wtf?
As I was taking a shower, I noticed the same splotches/rash on my arms, legs, abdomen and feet.  Holy hell!
Freaking out a bit, I called my doctor's office to be seen right away.  Except my doctor wasn't in, so I saw someone different, new.
She thinks I'm exhibiting symptoms of Rubella.  That disease I got vaccinated against as a child?  According to webmd, that vaccination helps protect "at least 9 out of 10" people against the disease.

Needless to say, I'm still freaking out a bit.  It'd be like finding out I had chickenpox again or something.  What, you mean I'm really LEFT handed!?

I'm going to go into a daytime tv coma now.  Hopefully I can stop saying WHAT THE FUCK at some point today.

The worst decision in history. Ever.

This is all my personal experience.  All info here is my recounting of events from the last 3+ years of where I worked.

In January 2008, after being off of work for a couple of months, I saw an ad for a couple of jobs available at the local gov't office.  One was in my field (GIS), the other was just administrative paper-pushing work.  I applied for both positions in the hopes I'd get the GIS job, but if not maybe I'd get the admin one.
I was interviewed for both positions.  The GIS job was given to someone that was a friend of one of the GIS guys.  The admin job was offered to me.  I'd be working with 7 other women.  I knew it could be trouble, but I took the offer.
I started on February 29th, leap day.

The cast of characters:
T--my trainer
S--second-newest person in the office, outspoken
B--the bitchy one
L--laughy, literally laughs at everything--sits at her desk and laughs
Q--quietly talks on the phone to her family members throughout the day
F--funny, irreverent lady, loves B & Q
N--no bullshit, straightforward
R--rather ineffectual supervisor
Boss--boss

Of course, starting out, everyone was friendly with me.  They all wanted to know more about me, they all wanted to befriend the "new girl".  I didn't have a problem with it.  Every single one of them was old enough to be my mother.  I was the youngest, a fact that meant a lot of teasing.

My trainer, T, started asking me to join her on break as the weather got nicer.  It was during these times that she vented to me about her extreme dislike of the newest person after me, S, and how she'd had a friendship with B at one point, but B was a bitch and she'd never trust her again.

During my first couple of months of work, I got sick.  I actually started the job with a cold.  As  I was getting better from it, I caught another cold, from S I think.  Which really pissed me off. A couple of months later I got ANOTHER cold.  I was unbelievably miserable.

Throughout that first summer, tensions continued to rise in the office because S kept stepping on people's sensitive toes.  I allowed T's dislike of S to affect my interactions, since I was already mad at her for coming to work sick and then making me sick again.  I went along, and when I look back at it now, I realize that there would've been a much better, less-bitchy way to deal with the situation.  Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

Eventually, as all the drama was building, I was called into my boss's office.  She and R wanted to ask if I was doing ok since I was rather quiet.  It was at this point that I told them that, "I come to work to work and then go home at the end of the day."  To which they laughingly said (paraphrasing), "We just wanted to make sure you weren't going to go postal."  Har.

We got a new version of software used for another part of my job.  When we got it, both B & R asked (jokingly, unknown to me) if I was going to train everyone on it.  So I did.  And royally pissed off B in the process.  I think this was the point at which she decided to really not like me.  She complained about having to upgrade in the first place, didn't seem interested in learning how to use the software since she didn't want it anyway, etc.

HR finally was involved in the S situation.  Almost everyone was called in to talk to the head of HR.  We all said our piece about S.  Nothing was really done to fix the situation, but she was alienated nonetheless.  Who could blame her?

While all of this was going on, I started to have issues with the radio.  Yes, the radio.  As a very musically-inclined person, I enjoy music.  Good music.  I have very eclectic taste and tend to prefer music that's been made in the past 3 decades.
The radio in the office played oldies, from the 50's & early 60's.  All day, every day.  And most days, the song you heard had been played yesterday and the yesterday before that.  It grated on my nerves after a few months, so I asked if we could change the station.  This turned into a round-table thing where everyone got to pick a station of their choice for one day.  We rotated.  I picked a current station.  S picked a Christian station.  Since I disliked her at the time, I took exception to it, especially as we were in a government office.  So I started to pick a station that was equally inappropriate, a station that played some rap.  Passive aggressive?  You bet.  But since things were already boiling, I decided not to talk about my issues.
More changes to the radio "policy" were made as time passed, as more people complained (like I hadn't--about the Christian radio) about my choice of station.

At my one-year anniversary, I had an annual review with R.  Everyone has them.  They're usually the step to getting a raise for a job well done.  During this review, when he mentioned that I needed to start talking to more people in the office instead of just T, I plainly told him that that's unbelievably hard for me, since I'm an introvert (and tend to not have a lot of casual relationships, but one or two really close, important ones).  His reply:  "Well, stop that!"  *laugh
Sure.  And I'll start eating through my ears, too.

More drama continued with S.  At one point, the boss & R came in to tell the office, "She's threatening to quit.  We begged her not to.  She's an asset to the office."  To which, on break, T told me, "Let her quit!  Good riddance!"

While getting sniped at by B, I asked R for advice.  As my supervisor, you'd think I'd get some help when I ask for it.  I asked him how I should deal with the bitchiness of B, what I should do in the situations where she "attacks" me.  His replies?  The first time I asked, it was, "I think you should read blahblahblah book."  The second time--"this is just something you'll learn with age."  Really?  REALLY?!  How come B hasn't learned not to act like a child then!?

After a lot of bitching by the others, the radio was shut off.  I was relieved.  I don't mind silence at all, in fact I can sit all day at home and not have the radio on.
The silence, to my co-workers, was grating.  They hated it.  They complained more.  Most, if not all, blamed me.  I was resented.  But I was happy to work in the silence, so it was ok.  Days went by (mostly) peacefully for a few months.

But wait!  We can't have that!
After listening to complaints from the co-workers, the boss & R finally relented and turned the radio back on.  To the oldies station again.  All day, every day.  I asked R if it could at least be pointed away from my desk.  He said yes.  So I rotated it away from my desk.

This effectively shut me off.  I don't know why, but my reaction to all of this--the attacks from B, the constant complaints from most of the other co-workers, the radio coming back on--it all made me extremely unhappy.  I stopped talking at work.  I concentrated solely on work and nothing else.  I was asked questions by the co-workers, I asked questions when necessary, but mostly I sat at my desk and worked.

Apparently this was a HUGE deal.  A lot of people took it personally and, B especially, started sniping at me more.  I sunk further into depression.  R took me out of the office a time or two and asked what was up with this "change".  I told him I wasn't equipped to handle the bitching in the office.  I was more comfortable not talking, and not talking helped clear up a lot of my headaches--TMJ is not a talker's friend.  More complaints about my silence.  More issues with the radio.  I'd turn the radio away, L would turn it back.  It finally hit a head when B joined in.  I turned it away one day and she got up, T and she laughing as she walked over and turned it right back around.  It was just so unbelievably childish.
I went to R and said enough was enough, we need to have it out.

That afternoon B, boss, R and I met in a conference room and started to talk about her attacking me.  (not kidding here--she practically sped-walked in order to get into a room before me, she would ask for help with customers, others would help, then she'd say "I wasn't talking to you, I wasn't talking to you either", etc.)  It immediately turned into a "you don't talk to anyone" discussion.  The boss & R basically told me I couldn't NOT be social at work.  B commented on a couple of absolutely ridiculous things like, "you sigh ALL the time" and "you ask questions you already know the answer to, like you're looking for an excuse to talk".  No offense, but if I could avoid dealing with her entirely, I'm pretty sure I would.  So why would I ask questions I knew the answer to?  We wrapped up with R & boss declaring we weren't going to HR for this and, if need be, we'd bring someone in to the office to talk to everyone about me.  Oh sure, that sounds totally NOT humiliating at all!
By the end of the meeting I was extremely upset.  Crying.  I NEVER cry.  The whole thing made me sob and cry, mostly because I was already exhausted.  And I had to go back into the office after all of it and face the other co-workers.

The next day I called a counselor to set up appointments and I called my doctor to go on anti-depressants since I was having suicidal thoughts.  I let work affect me that strongly.

A couple of days later boss called me into the same conference room, but this time it was just the two of us.  She asked how I felt things went and when I told her that I'd started anti-depressants, she shook her head.  She also stated that she really respects B for being the kind of person who lets you know where you stand with her.  Excuse me?  Her behavior is respectable because she's letting you know where you stand with her!?  But my behavior AT WORK of WORKING isn't acceptable?  wtf?!
At one point she asked if I'd considered looking for another job.  Why?  After all the stuff that went down with S, they begged her to stay when she offered to leave.  But me, who does a ton more paper processing & phone calls than S, she apparently doesn't want to keep around.  How fucking insulting.

When March rolled around and I had my next review, R told me I needed to talk to B more.  She was still acting bitchy to me, though no longer attacking.  Could I say this to R?  No, not in a way he'd understand.  I just had to nod my head and smile.
Things were on a bit of a roller coaster after that--better, then worse, then better....

At one point, in mid-September, I saw B talking to R in an emphatic way and pointing in my direction.  They left the office. I proceeded to almost have an anxiety attack because I was sure I was going to get in trouble again for something I wasn't doing the way B thought I should.  It was at that point that I made the decision to leave.

Months go by, work settles down again.  S announces she's going to be leaving at the end of March.  I knew that once she was gone, the spiteful behavior that had been directed at her would be targeted at someone else.  The week after S left, it was decided during a staff meeting I was absent from (because I had another nasty cold) that people were no longer allowed to have lunch at their desk.  At the end of the following week when I got back from lunch, I had received an e-mail from boss stating essentially, "I guess you weren't at the staff meeting, but we decided that eating lunch at your desk is no longer allowed.  A snack is fine, but if you need to work through lunch, you can eat lunch away from your desk during the mandatory 15-minute lunch break."
There were two people in the office that day with me.  B and Q.
Apparently B had decided that me heating up a snack mid-morning wasn't ok, so she went to boss about it.
I wrote back to boss that I wasn't eating lunch at my desk and I hadn't even worked through lunch since the staff meeting.  She replied, "thank you for your understanding".

A few more days pass, one in which I heated up another mid-morning snack of oh-so-yummy quinoa flakes so they wouldn't taste so nasty.  I see T & B looking pointedly at me, then at each other.  The day after a new snack policy was handed out because "apparently there's some people who are confused about the policy".  R and boss had gone HR to get help creating a new policy.  It clearly stated that anything heated up in the microwave is not a snack, it's a meal and should be eaten on break.

That day I went to R and asked to go to part-time.  I didn't think I could sanely stay there 8 hours every day with those ridiculously childish bitches.  When the "acceptance letter" for me to go to part time was written up, it emphatically stated that "your hours will be 11AM to 5PM and you will eat lunch before you come to work."  Lunch at 10:30 in the morning.  How much more absurd can things get?

In my last month at the office, B decided to send an e-mail to myself and others involved in one part of my job, the part in which she's my "supervisor".  It had only to do with me, but she sent it to everyone nonetheless.  And when I replied with a "I could've just been asked to do this differently....", she sent out another e-mail, to everyone again, and said "I don't want to upset people" reply.  Riiiiiight.

I'm down to one week right now.  I just need to survive it.  And then I can move on with my life, happily, and hopefully never see any of those people again.

Why didn't I leave earlier?  Mostly because of insurance.  Things were semi-ok last spring, I think, and the Mister could only enroll in his work-offered insurance then through open-enrollment.
If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't accept the job in the first place.  I really think I've gotten a big mindfuck from that environment.  I'll have to try really hard not to let it effect all of my future jobs.  blah

The memories I carry of my interactions at the office:
Walking into the office and seeing Q & L look back at me over their shoulders, then slink off back to their desks from where they were standing.  Talking about me?

My suggestion to T to try something a new way.  She told me that wasn't a good idea, the way it was already being done was fine.  A couple of months later, when B made the same suggestion at a staff meeting, T thought that was a REALLY good idea!

Being told by boss & R that S wanted to leave and they begged her not to.  When problems arose between B & myself, boss suggested I find another job.

Sitting at my desk quietly working.  R previously told me that when S did the same thing the rest of us were to just let her do her thing.  When I did it, I was told to knock it off.

B taking swipes at me verbally.  Saying nothing in return.  Being told my quiet behavior was unacceptable, but never once seeing B get reprimanded for her behavior.

Confronting L after being told by someone from another office things L had been telling people about me, S, and the office.  L cried and told me "you're mean--you never say good morning when you come in, sometimes all I get is a grunt".  I'm sorry I'm not overcome with joy to arrive in the office every morning and work with people who talk about me and bully me.

Apologizing to S for not thinking for myself.  For letting T's attitude affect mine.

Seeing my fellow MSU/GIS guy cry when I gave him a gift for his trip.

Seeing R gesture with his hands how large his testicles felt after he had a vasectomy.  True story.

Being yelled at by a customer.  R entered the situation and asked what was wrong, with a smile on his face.  Customer tossing a document at me and R shrugging as if it was no big deal.

I hated junior high.  It really fucking sucked.  But I think it was easier than this experience.

Bits & Pieces

I finished reading a book today.  For fun.  First time in months.  I've been so busy doing so many other things that a pile of books to be read has grown on my bookshelves.  It was driving me crazy, and it's a long weekend, so I thought I'd try one out.  What an unbelievable joy it was!  Oh, how I've missed reading for fun....

Smudge tried to kill a little gopher today.  I watched it.  I didn't freak out or try to save it, I just waited for her to kill it so I could throw it away before she dismembered it all over the back yard.
Of course, she got bored with it and left it after awhile, so it scampered off.  Oh well.

While watching that happening, I saw a lone Golden walking on the other side of the block.  I hollered and whistled and got no response.  I looked around all the empty lots and saw not a single human nearby, so I walked up to it and brought the dog home for the night.  We'll try to find it's owner tomorrow.  For now, I'm calling him Bob.  He's a real gentleman, sits nicely and is well trained on the leash.  The girls are beside themselves.
After calling the animal shelter, the owner contacted us and took Ben home.  His real name is Ben.  I was so close!

So much for raining all weekend.  It spit this morning, got some graupel early afternoon, but other than that it was a pretty nice day.  I could've gone home after all.  grrrr

I am now down to days to countdown for work.  I'll post the whole account of why I'm leaving after I leave.  For now, I just need to survive the last few weeks...

Oh, what fun in the sun!

The sun visited our neighborhood this weekend.  Well, today at least.
This meant yard work, which I don't really mind.  The first step always means dog poo, which I don't care for--but if the grass is going to be cut, poo needs not be underfoot...
Going out to clean up the back yard today, I discovered the cat had brought home a juvenile gopher.  Usually not a big deal.  But today she just HAD to be an asshole and torture the poor creature.  Of all of my many dislikes in the world, seeing a creature in fear is the worst.  I will do anything I can to alleviate fear in an innocent animal, be it rodent or rabbit.  In previous years we've (unwisely) taken in a young pigeon--Lucky-- and a young rabbit--Boonda/Roar.  I wanted to pick up that poor little gopher today and carry it away from my mean cat.  And I know better, especially after the previous animals, which we eventually set free.  So I tried to let the cat do her thing and be a predator.
Unfortunately, after watching her leave the critter to lay in the shade 2 or 3 times, I'd had enough.  I tried to pick up the gopher with the pooper scooper, but it jumped off.  The cat ran after.  Brought it back, then went back to the shade.  So I expedited the process and killed the thing.  Which brought me to tears, because I have a bleeding heart.
Moral of the story is:  next time I'm plugging my ears and turning up the music so I don't hear the repeated "eep" of the frightened thing.  Ugh.

Moving on.....

After alllllll that drama, I cut the grass.  I moved the hose, carefully trimmed around the strawberry patch and trees, and didn't bother with the middle of the back yard.  As you can see in the pictures below, the yard has been attacked by dog pee.  The yard lost.
After being in the sun for an hour, I had a little nap.  And woke up to a kiss from the Mister.
He'd taken a break from helping his husband move in to the new house to come home and help me do a couple things.  Outside we went, so he could take a look at the sprinkler heads before he turned the sprinkler system back on.  The dogs joined us.  Lily ran around like an idiot and Amber stuck to my side so Lily couldn't chew on her.
*side note:  When the hell do dogs stop chewing on everything!?  Lily loves to chew on Smudge and Amber.  It's just not right.  I want it to be a stage she'll grow out of, but what if it's not!?

Once the sprinkler heads were confirmed ok, Mister went into the crawl space and turned them on.  Then went to the control panel and started checking their sprays one zone at a time.  After hearing the front and side sprinklers come on and off, I knew the back was next.
The hissing of air being pushed out of the lines came first.  Lily, of course, went right up to a head and started checking it out.  *sniff sniff
That didn't last long because soon water was spraying out.  Right into her face.  She backed up pretty quick.  Then went in to "attack" the spray.  She took no prisoners.
Amber joined in the fun when the Mister came back to adjust the spray directions.  Eventually they were both soaked and having lots of fun running around the yard like idiots together.  Lily was too preoccupied with the water to chew on Amber, thankfully.

If we can get the dead spots in the yard taken care of, I'm hoping to make the space an area of peace.  An oasis.  A place to go in the summer and relax after a long day.  The back faces east, so we get a beautiful sunset view of the Bridgers.  I treasure the view every single day because I know eventually houses will be built and block my view.  Maybe we'll build a second floor and add a balcony so I can get the sight back...?

That's our pet hawk.  He just doesn't know he's our pet.

Grow, baby plants, grow!

Aspen tree growth

...to little baby leaves!

hands on hips means serious business

What, what is that thing?

eep!

shakey shakey

...and she still goes back for more.

shakey shakey again

wet.

wetter.

wetter together.

just another day in paradise....

In the middle of the night

I don't know why, I don't understand how it happened, but sleeping next to my husband is a lovely, comforting thing.
I remember being a teenager, sleeping in my bed, sprawled out almost to the point of touching all four corners of the mattress.  Ah, those were the days....
Now, however, I've been sleeping next to someone for years.  And the feel and knowledge that he's there beside me helps me sleep easier.  It's very, very strange, since I think of myself as a somewhat independent person.
Why am I bringing this up?
Because in the middle of the night I woke up, I don't remember why, and when I opened my eyes, my husband was asleep, facing me.  I had to reach out and caress his face.  Such a simple thing, but even in the dead of night seeing his face brought out such feelings of tenderness and warmth that I had to touch him.

You should return to your regularly scheduled internet browsing now.  That was mushy.

Turning into home

Small changes here and there are turning the house into a home.  It's so exciting each time something is added.  Well, exciting to me.  Matt just ends up sweaty from all the heavy lifting and moving he has to do with the new additions.

Why didn't people check with me before they built houses in the way of the view I'd have?

And stop signs, too.

Oh, big birdie, how I love to watch you fly.

Last night, really windy, hawk going almost nowhere as he rode the gusts.

I love my mountains.

We have trees!  A couple of baby aspens given to us by a lovely co-worker.  Why aspens?  Story below.

I have plants!  Never could have them in the apartment.  Apartment = no sun.

Wicked cool painting by our friend Leslie K.  The four elements.

New, beautiful desk!  Have I mentioned how much I love slate?

Cat tested, cat hidden, cat approved.

We've got plants, which add some life to the place.  They were at work for the longest time, just because I sat by the window at work and they got some much needed exposure.  When I first took them in, one plant had ONE leaf (the one on the far left).  I called it "Pathetic", now I call it "Jungle plant" because the leaves are so flippin' huge.  I have a habit of naming things. No idea why.  In our fish tank are a couple of sharks.  They're named Back and Forth, because that's what they did--swim back and forth and back and forth.  Other fish are named Duck and Goose, Bill and Jill, etc.  I need to figure out names for the trees.  Yes, I'm that weird.

A co-worker who lives in the Bridgers was kind enough to dig up a couple of aspen trees from his yard--last year.  In October.  2 days before the first snow.  Matt refused to dig in the cold & wet, so they sat all winter, with bags around their roots, and waited for us.  As you can see in the first hawk picture, the larger tree has started to bud out.  Matt dug holes, I helped (which was a lot of fun for me, not so much for him) and we planted the trees this week.  I've wanted aspen trees in the yard of our home since we got married.  The day we got married was hot but breezy.  We had the wedding outside in front of a stand of aspens and the sound & sight of their leaves fluttering in the wind is one sensory memory I've cherished since.  This year, the year we celebrate our 10th year of marriage, is the year we got those aspens I wanted.
I'm content.

The early years

I'm home sick today, so I'm pondering the good ol' days....

For most of the first decade of my life, I lived in an old converted grocery store.  Yes, it sounds weird, but it was my first home.
After my Mom and biological father divorced, she moved us in with her partner (I hate to say boyfriend, because it sounds a little juvenile).  He was 30 years older than her and, as I grew up, it was just what it was.  I guess I learned from my early years that age doesn't matter when you love someone.  He was the first father figure I knew, since the biological father was barely on the radar, and he'll always have a place in my heart as my first dad.  Never mind that he was old enough to be my grandfather (which my paternal grandparents had HUGE issues with....), he had a hand in raising me and encouraged me in so many ways, from my arts to archery.
Anyway, back to the "house"...
The apartment portion of the building was a mixed bag of crazy, creative, and scary--to a young me.  There were lots of dead heads.  Back in those days, he was big into hunting, and so was my Mom.  On almost every wall hung a glassy-eyed mount--from moose to elk to red yak (no idea the specific breed?) to badger to bison.  Deer, antelope, beaver, fowl of all sizes and shapes, I think there was some rodents & snakes, too.  And they all stared at me...their dead eyes followed my every move through the place.  It was creepy as hell for an imaginative 6-8 year old who pictured them glowering at me when I went to sleep on the couch--and then imagined them leaping out of the wall at me.  Thankfully, at least one dead animal didn't stare at me: the elephant foot stool.  I have no idea how the hell he got it, but there was a stool made from an elephant's foot--and topped with a cushion of a piece of zebra hide.  Weeeeeird.
Along with all the mounts on the walls were tons of pictures--most of which showed a particular dead animal being crouched over by smiling friends & family.  Ah, Montana....
The kitchen was an open area--and lined atop the cupboards with lots of bottles of foreign beers.  The washer, dryer, and fridge/pantry were just off the kitchen.
In the living room area was a fireplace and some furniture.  But the absolute best part, my favorite part, was the fish pond.  Yes, a fish pond.  In the back corner of the living area was an open pond built into the floor.  Koi and other species of fish swam there.  You could reach right down and stick your hand in the water.  To make things even cooler--as you left/entered the apartment, you could walk over a piece of plexiglass that allowed you to look right down into another part of the pond.  The first time anyone came over, they were always afraid they'd break through.  It was funny to see the reactions.  So the dead animals were creepy, but the pond was so cool.  I fished out a koi once, when I was about 5.  I told Mom's guy that I was going fishing--he thought down by the creek (fenced at the banks) that ran at the bottom of the hill next to the building.  I meant in the fish pond.  Apparently it was hilarious...and a little expensive.  Koi aren't cheap.
That was just the downstairs.
Upstairs was my room, which I shared with my sister.  This room had one wall papered with the images of a sunlit forest in autumn.  It was golden-hued and most of the trees were narrow.  There was lots of places for monsters to peek out at me as I lay in bed.  Oh, how I hated that wall.  I slept on a trundle bed--the kind where one bed fits beneath the other, so if you need an extra place to sleep, you can just pull it out from under the other.  It was kind of neat, but also a great spot for the cats to hide.
Next to our room was my brother's room.  In his room was a hole in the wall that led to the rafters above the apartment.  It was another scary place to me, especially since bats could occasionally be found there.  Luckily it was usually covered up with a painting of some sort.
None of the rooms had doors, except for the toilet & shower.  This was a free-for-all kind of place.  Not a lot of privacy, but who needs that anyway?
Just outside the bedrooms was a balcony that overlooked the first floor.  There was railing all along the length of the second floor, so when the adults had friends over, we'd sneak to the railing and watch them when it was late.
Also on the second floor was the party bar.  Pre-Mom, the guy & his wife liked to have friends over.  So much so, they built an actual bar--stocked with glasses hanging above, a sink & fridge below, and lots of bottles behind.  It was such a cool place to play as a kid.  Strange, yes, but how many kids get to play bartender at an actual bar when they're 7?  The adults made it look so cool, and kids love to mimic adults.  We never opened any bottles, or even touched them, I think.
Just above the center of the second floor was the skylight--the only window in the apartment.  I think that might be an influence as to why I've always been comfortable living in basements.

All in all, I loved and hated living there.  But mostly loved it.  The only reason I hated it was because of all those eerie eyes following my steps...
Did I mention my out-of-control imagination?

In any case, I have so many happy memories of being there.  I remember a birthday when I got 3 cakes--I think I turned 7 or 8.  I remember listening to the sound of Mom's laughter from upstairs when she had friends over.  I remember my brother teaching me how to make scrambled cheese eggs so I could give Mom breakfast in bed for Mother's Day.  I remember watching the cat give birth--amazing to a kid. And I remember sneaking out to the rail on Christmas Eve to watch "Santa" putting presents by the fireplace.
Sad memories, as well, of goodbyes--when my brother left for Washington the first time.  I cried because my heart broke.  I loved him so much and my world was going to be emptier without him.
I cried when we had to say goodbye to TC, the big, sweet Malamute mix.  She was sick, arthritic, and old, and they had to take her away with a tarp tied between two poles (the way I remember it) because she was so big.  That was my very first goodbye to an animal I loved. I can still remember burying my face in her fur as I sobbed before they came to take her.

There's more memories....the smell of Old Spice in the bathroom....pranking Mom with a huge frozen moth on her pillow (she was terrified of moths), which my sister thought would be funny....sitting on the spiral staircase while I watched the grownups talk....watching the Weather Channel every day after school, then calling Mom 7 times the day when a tornado watch went into effect--and going outside to see the funnel lower into the center of town.  F.R.E.A.K.Y....my sister putting gum in my hair "just to see what happens" (what happened was she got in big trouble and I got a new haircut)...and the time I used the itty bitty scissors the biological dude got me for Christmas to cut my own bangs, followed by me pretending I didn't know what Mom was talking about when she asked if I'd cut my own hair the next morning.

Ahh, nostalgia...