This is all my personal experience. All info here is my recounting of events from the last 3+ years of where I worked.
In January 2008, after being off of work for a couple of months, I saw an ad for a couple of jobs available at the local gov't office. One was in my field (GIS), the other was just administrative paper-pushing work. I applied for both positions in the hopes I'd get the GIS job, but if not maybe I'd get the admin one.
I was interviewed for both positions. The GIS job was given to someone that was a friend of one of the GIS guys. The admin job was offered to me. I'd be working with 7 other women. I knew it could be trouble, but I took the offer.
I started on February 29th, leap day.
The cast of characters:
T--my trainer
S--second-newest person in the office, outspoken
B--the bitchy one
L--laughy, literally laughs at everything--sits at her desk and laughs
Q--quietly talks on the phone to her family members throughout the day
F--funny, irreverent lady, loves B & Q
N--no bullshit, straightforward
R--rather ineffectual supervisor
Boss--boss
Of course, starting out, everyone was friendly with me. They all wanted to know more about me, they all wanted to befriend the "new girl". I didn't have a problem with it. Every single one of them was old enough to be my mother. I was the youngest, a fact that meant a lot of teasing.
My trainer, T, started asking me to join her on break as the weather got nicer. It was during these times that she vented to me about her extreme dislike of the newest person after me, S, and how she'd had a friendship with B at one point, but B was a bitch and she'd never trust her again.
During my first couple of months of work, I got sick. I actually started the job with a cold. As I was getting better from it, I caught another cold, from S I think. Which really pissed me off. A couple of months later I got ANOTHER cold. I was unbelievably miserable.
Throughout that first summer, tensions continued to rise in the office because S kept stepping on people's sensitive toes. I allowed T's dislike of S to affect my interactions, since I was already mad at her for coming to work sick and then making me sick again. I went along, and when I look back at it now, I realize that there would've been a much better, less-bitchy way to deal with the situation. Of course, hindsight is 20/20.
Eventually, as all the drama was building, I was called into my boss's office. She and R wanted to ask if I was doing ok since I was rather quiet. It was at this point that I told them that, "I come to work to work and then go home at the end of the day." To which they laughingly said (paraphrasing), "We just wanted to make sure you weren't going to go postal." Har.
We got a new version of software used for another part of my job. When we got it, both B & R asked (jokingly, unknown to me) if I was going to train everyone on it. So I did. And royally pissed off B in the process. I think this was the point at which she decided to really not like me. She complained about having to upgrade in the first place, didn't seem interested in learning how to use the software since she didn't want it anyway, etc.
HR finally was involved in the S situation. Almost everyone was called in to talk to the head of HR. We all said our piece about S. Nothing was really done to fix the situation, but she was alienated nonetheless. Who could blame her?
While all of this was going on, I started to have issues with the radio. Yes, the radio. As a very musically-inclined person, I enjoy music. Good music. I have very eclectic taste and tend to prefer music that's been made in the past 3 decades.
The radio in the office played oldies, from the 50's & early 60's. All day, every day. And most days, the song you heard had been played yesterday and the yesterday before that. It grated on my nerves after a few months, so I asked if we could change the station. This turned into a round-table thing where everyone got to pick a station of their choice for one day. We rotated. I picked a current station. S picked a Christian station. Since I disliked her at the time, I took exception to it, especially as we were in a government office. So I started to pick a station that was equally inappropriate, a station that played some rap. Passive aggressive? You bet. But since things were already boiling, I decided not to talk about my issues.
More changes to the radio "policy" were made as time passed, as more people complained (like I hadn't--about the Christian radio) about my choice of station.
At my one-year anniversary, I had an annual review with R. Everyone has them. They're usually the step to getting a raise for a job well done. During this review, when he mentioned that I needed to start talking to more people in the office instead of just T, I plainly told him that that's unbelievably hard for me, since I'm an introvert (and tend to not have a lot of casual relationships, but one or two really close, important ones). His reply: "Well, stop that!" *laugh
Sure. And I'll start eating through my ears, too.
More drama continued with S. At one point, the boss & R came in to tell the office, "She's threatening to quit. We begged her not to. She's an asset to the office." To which, on break, T told me, "Let her quit! Good riddance!"
While getting sniped at by B, I asked R for advice. As my supervisor, you'd think I'd get some help when I ask for it. I asked him how I should deal with the bitchiness of B, what I should do in the situations where she "attacks" me. His replies? The first time I asked, it was, "I think you should read blahblahblah book." The second time--"this is just something you'll learn with age." Really? REALLY?! How come B hasn't learned not to act like a child then!?
After a lot of bitching by the others, the radio was shut off. I was relieved. I don't mind silence at all, in fact I can sit all day at home and not have the radio on.
The silence, to my co-workers, was grating. They hated it. They complained more. Most, if not all, blamed me. I was resented. But I was happy to work in the silence, so it was ok. Days went by (mostly) peacefully for a few months.
But wait! We can't have that!
After listening to complaints from the co-workers, the boss & R finally relented and turned the radio back on. To the oldies station again. All day, every day. I asked R if it could at least be pointed away from my desk. He said yes. So I rotated it away from my desk.
This effectively shut me off. I don't know why, but my reaction to all of this--the attacks from B, the constant complaints from most of the other co-workers, the radio coming back on--it all made me extremely unhappy. I stopped talking at work. I concentrated solely on work and nothing else. I was asked questions by the co-workers, I asked questions when necessary, but mostly I sat at my desk and worked.
Apparently this was a HUGE deal. A lot of people took it personally and, B especially, started sniping at me more. I sunk further into depression. R took me out of the office a time or two and asked what was up with this "change". I told him I wasn't equipped to handle the bitching in the office. I was more comfortable not talking, and not talking helped clear up a lot of my headaches--TMJ is not a talker's friend. More complaints about my silence. More issues with the radio. I'd turn the radio away, L would turn it back. It finally hit a head when B joined in. I turned it away one day and she got up, T and she laughing as she walked over and turned it right back around. It was just so unbelievably childish.
I went to R and said enough was enough, we need to have it out.
That afternoon B, boss, R and I met in a conference room and started to talk about her attacking me. (not kidding here--she practically sped-walked in order to get into a room before me, she would ask for help with customers, others would help, then she'd say "I wasn't talking to you, I wasn't talking to you either", etc.) It immediately turned into a "you don't talk to anyone" discussion. The boss & R basically told me I couldn't NOT be social at work. B commented on a couple of absolutely ridiculous things like, "you sigh ALL the time" and "you ask questions you already know the answer to, like you're looking for an excuse to talk". No offense, but if I could avoid dealing with her entirely, I'm pretty sure I would. So why would I ask questions I knew the answer to? We wrapped up with R & boss declaring we weren't going to HR for this and, if need be, we'd bring someone in to the office to talk to everyone about me. Oh sure, that sounds totally NOT humiliating at all!
By the end of the meeting I was extremely upset. Crying. I NEVER cry. The whole thing made me sob and cry, mostly because I was already exhausted. And I had to go back into the office after all of it and face the other co-workers.
The next day I called a counselor to set up appointments and I called my doctor to go on anti-depressants since I was having suicidal thoughts. I let work affect me that strongly.
A couple of days later boss called me into the same conference room, but this time it was just the two of us. She asked how I felt things went and when I told her that I'd started anti-depressants, she shook her head. She also stated that she really respects B for being the kind of person who lets you know where you stand with her. Excuse me? Her behavior is respectable because she's letting you know where you stand with her!? But my behavior AT WORK of WORKING isn't acceptable? wtf?!
At one point she asked if I'd considered looking for another job. Why? After all the stuff that went down with S, they begged her to stay when she offered to leave. But me, who does a ton more paper processing & phone calls than S, she apparently doesn't want to keep around. How fucking insulting.
When March rolled around and I had my next review, R told me I needed to talk to B more. She was still acting bitchy to me, though no longer attacking. Could I say this to R? No, not in a way he'd understand. I just had to nod my head and smile.
Things were on a bit of a roller coaster after that--better, then worse, then better....
At one point, in mid-September, I saw B talking to R in an emphatic way and pointing in my direction. They left the office. I proceeded to almost have an anxiety attack because I was sure I was going to get in trouble again for something I wasn't doing the way B thought I should. It was at that point that I made the decision to leave.
Months go by, work settles down again. S announces she's going to be leaving at the end of March. I knew that once she was gone, the spiteful behavior that had been directed at her would be targeted at someone else. The week after S left, it was decided during a staff meeting I was absent from (because I had another nasty cold) that people were no longer allowed to have lunch at their desk. At the end of the following week when I got back from lunch, I had received an e-mail from boss stating essentially, "I guess you weren't at the staff meeting, but we decided that eating lunch at your desk is no longer allowed. A snack is fine, but if you need to work through lunch, you can eat lunch away from your desk during the mandatory 15-minute lunch break."
There were two people in the office that day with me. B and Q.
Apparently B had decided that me heating up a snack mid-morning wasn't ok, so she went to boss about it.
I wrote back to boss that I wasn't eating lunch at my desk and I hadn't even worked through lunch since the staff meeting. She replied, "thank you for your understanding".
A few more days pass, one in which I heated up another mid-morning snack of oh-so-yummy quinoa flakes so they wouldn't taste so nasty. I see T & B looking pointedly at me, then at each other. The day after a new snack policy was handed out because "apparently there's some people who are confused about the policy". R and boss had gone HR to get help creating a new policy. It clearly stated that anything heated up in the microwave is not a snack, it's a meal and should be eaten on break.
That day I went to R and asked to go to part-time. I didn't think I could sanely stay there 8 hours every day with those ridiculously childish bitches. When the "acceptance letter" for me to go to part time was written up, it emphatically stated that "your hours will be 11AM to 5PM and you will eat lunch before you come to work." Lunch at 10:30 in the morning. How much more absurd can things get?
In my last month at the office, B decided to send an e-mail to myself and others involved in one part of my job, the part in which she's my "supervisor". It had only to do with me, but she sent it to everyone nonetheless. And when I replied with a "I could've just been asked to do this differently....", she sent out another e-mail, to everyone again, and said "I don't want to upset people" reply. Riiiiiight.
I'm down to one week right now. I just need to survive it. And then I can move on with my life, happily, and hopefully never see any of those people again.
Why didn't I leave earlier? Mostly because of insurance. Things were semi-ok last spring, I think, and the Mister could only enroll in his work-offered insurance then through open-enrollment.
If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't accept the job in the first place. I really think I've gotten a big mindfuck from that environment. I'll have to try really hard not to let it effect all of my future jobs. blah
The memories I carry of my interactions at the office:
Walking into the office and seeing Q & L look back at me over their shoulders, then slink off back to their desks from where they were standing. Talking about me?
My suggestion to T to try something a new way. She told me that wasn't a good idea, the way it was already being done was fine. A couple of months later, when B made the same suggestion at a staff meeting, T thought that was a REALLY good idea!
Being told by boss & R that S wanted to leave and they begged her not to. When problems arose between B & myself, boss suggested I find another job.
Sitting at my desk quietly working. R previously told me that when S did the same thing the rest of us were to just let her do her thing. When I did it, I was told to knock it off.
B taking swipes at me verbally. Saying nothing in return. Being told my quiet behavior was unacceptable, but never once seeing B get reprimanded for her behavior.
Confronting L after being told by someone from another office things L had been telling people about me, S, and the office. L cried and told me "you're mean--you never say good morning when you come in, sometimes all I get is a grunt". I'm sorry I'm not overcome with joy to arrive in the office every morning and work with people who talk about me and bully me.
Apologizing to S for not thinking for myself. For letting T's attitude affect mine.
Seeing my fellow MSU/GIS guy cry when I gave him a gift for his trip.
Seeing R gesture with his hands how large his testicles felt after he had a vasectomy. True story.
Being yelled at by a customer. R entered the situation and asked what was wrong, with a smile on his face. Customer tossing a document at me and R shrugging as if it was no big deal.
I hated junior high. It really fucking sucked. But I think it was easier than this experience.
No comments:
Post a Comment