Why I'm happy without kids

I was thinking about it earlier today and figured I'd come up with a list of reasons why I'm happy without kids. The Mister may have his own reasons, I'm sure, but these are mine.
Why bother thinking of them?  Because so SO many people automatically assume that since we're married we should have kids.  It's almost a post-requisite for being married.  I think it's a societal thing that's been drilled into our heads since birth--grow up, get married, buy a house, have kids, live happily ever after.
I must be too feminist to follow that.  Well, I still shave my armpits, so I must not be THAT feminist, but anyway....

Why I'm happy without kids:

• No post-pregnancy bladder issues.
• There will never, ever be something moving around in my stomach, taking over my body, even temporarily.
• No poopy diapers to change.
• No poopy diaper stories to (embarrassingly) share.
• No puke to clean up.
• A messy house that can be picked up in 5 minutes--not 5 hours.
• There's no waking up in the middle of the night for years-on-end.  Sleep is one of my best friends.  In fact...
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• *wipes drool from chin.  Sorry!  Lily woke me up at 3:30 this morning.  We've only had her about a month and I'm ready for her to sleep through the night already!
• I won't have to worry about making sure someone besides myself is fed.
• The possibility of having a boy.  I know everyone says they're easier, but I would freak out if I had one.  Freak.  Out.  *twitch
• The certainty of being embarrassed in public by a screaming child.
• I like quiet.  Kids aren't quiet.  Unless you drug them with Nyquil and duct tape their mouths.  Not that I know that from experience...I'm just thinking creatively.

• I like to be lazy on weekends.  Kids aren't lazy.  They always want to do something.  Yeah, well, my something happens to be napping.
• Worry quotient won't go up!
• I'll never have to consider putting a baby seat in the back of Nigel.  Or trading in Nigel for something that I can put a baby seat in.
• Having to get rid of my beloved Nigel for something "reliable" and "safe"
• Taking a spontaneous (me? hah!) trip anywhere, anytime.
• No back problems.  No baby on my hip!  No 20 lb. mom purse!
• No poopy diapers.  Oh, did I already mention that?  Well...
• NO POOPY DIAPERS!
• Hearing someone slam a door after yelling, "I hate you!"  Yeah, I'll never have to experience that.
• Money issues aren't so worrisome if you don't have to think of a kid that needs food, clothes, a Sony Playstation because so-and-so has one, but..! etc.

There may be a couple of reasons I can think of that would be cool for having kids, but really, when they pop into my head, I just visualize a poopy diaper.  Or inspecting poo to make sure it's "healthy".  Or putting a thermometer...ANYWAY.

I'll stick with dogs, thanks.  They may leave hair everywhere, but they're always happy to see you, they never talk back, and they don't need a car seat.

I hope all parents love their children more than they thought possible.  I know parents like that are out there--they're just not me.  But they can call me if they need Nyquil or duct tape!