Yes, there's more

I posted once about why I don't want to be a mother.

I'm in the middle of reading a book about being childfree.  I'm supposed to say childless because it connotes something I'm missing out on, rather than childfree which connotes that I don't have something negative, like sugar-free or paraben-free.

I have to say, even if it's "offensive", I'm going with childfree.  ;op

Anyway, in this book, it discusses all the different reasons people choose to not have children.  Financially, emotionally, etc. all come up.  My reasons tend to be more environmentally-related, but other reasons exist as well, like the fact that I love my Mister and we have a happy marriage and I know that if we had a child, it would lead to more stress--because he and I have very different views of child rearing.  And with his (former) busy work schedule, I'd be almost a single parent.

No thanks.

I'll leave parenting to people who truly desire children and bigger families.

As I was saying before, there are many reasons.  And one of the big things the author noted was that a majority of people she interviewed for the research & book tend to identify themselves as introverts.

*gasp

*shock

*awe

Such a big surprise!  The people who feel most comfortable in solitude & calm environments don't really want to create little beings who provide the very opposite of those things.  

I've also been exposed to a new term in this book--pronatalist.  We live in a pronatalist society.  Many people have kids because it's expected of them.  Once you get married, it's the next "logical" step:  have a baby (or 6).  Family, friends, and strangers tend to assume that if you're married, you should have kids.  

In fact, it's usually the second question I hear when I talk to someone new.  I'll volunteer that I'm married.  "Oh, how long?"  I answer (currently 10 1/2 years), and the follow-up question, 99% of the time, is "Do you have any kids?"

Pronatalist.

Even in most of my preferred reads, romance, the characters dream about being with their opposite in the future, including kids.  In trilogies or series, former pairs are spoken of with a baby on the hip or playing at their feet.

The only series I read that specifically doesn't have a h/h with mini-mes, is JD Robb's In Death series.  The author has said point blank that the series would end of the couple had a child.  She's been asked countless times by hundreds of people (I'm guessing) when the couple will procreate.  Pronatalists!

I'm only thankful that she's made a pair that don't depend on little ones for any future happiness or completeness.

My life is complete as it is, happily, with my favorite first husband in our little house in the valley with a few furry critters and a big blanket to share in the winter.

Politics

Although I often share my political beliefs with close friends, I don't talk about it much around acquaintances because you never know when you'll offend someone.  And I always manage to offend, even without politics.  Don't want to shock & awe people with my offensive abilities!

This is a general rant, though.  Not a side-taking thing.  Which means:  I hope I don't offend anyone.

Why must politics be so difficult for politicians?  Why don't real people stand up and say, "Enough is enough, let's get shit done!"?
I'm all for the federal government taking care of the big things like the military and education and taxes.  I'm sure what I want done with those things are different from other people's wants, but overall, I think we all want the same thing:  a safe, healthy, stable place to live.
I'd like roads that don't crumble or destroy my car when I drive, and bridges that actually stay in one piece.
I want to know my taxes are working to educate kids in the best possible way, by the best possible teachers (though I definitely know that's not always the case).
I wish the homeless had warm, safe places to sleep, and options and help for getting back on their feet.

I WANT THE GOVERNMENT TO STAND UP FOR ME.
I mean, I want the government to make sure I have safe food for me to eat, clean air for me to breathe, and yes, ok, access to health care to make sure the food and air aren't doing me damage in case the government isn't keeping up with stuff.
I want the government to stand up, pull their big-boy pants on, and DO WORK.  Pass bills that MEAN something, not a silly thing that means "in god we trust" or "let's take 4 weeks off at Christmas instead of 3".  Make the country a better place to live, not a place that other nationalities look at with scorn.

Make paid maternity leave for at least 9 months MANDATORY, and 3 months of paid paternity leave, too.  Everyone preaches about how our nation's fundamentals are based on family.  Family this, family that, family shmamily.  But no one's making the first months of a child's rearing that important?  Giving a new family member a solid foundation?  Oh no, that's just not possible.
bite me.

Give equal rights to everyone.  I don't have kids--other people at work did.  The same with the Mister.  He was expected to work when others didn't because they had kids, families to be with--but he only had me.  We're still a family together.  Stop treating people unequally based on whether they reproduce or not.  And stop making it ok for businesses to do it.

Stop giving certain states priority over others.  Get rid of the electoral college--it's antiquated and useless.
Yes, the country has a good foundation from our founding fathers, but for the love of god, we're not living in the 1700's anymore--hence women's right to vote, people of different races not being slaves, and other minorities owning property.

Corporations are NOT people.  According to some people, a human only reaches personhood at conception.  Corporations aren't created from sperm and an egg.  Hard to believe, I know.

If a heinously rich woman can leave her fortune to her dog, let same sex unions exist in the eye of the government.  Surely a partnership that's existed for 3 decades between two people is just as important to the survivor as the few years a dog had with her human.
Family is family, love is love, you can't "cure" someone of homosexuality any more than you can "cure" them of being an introvert.  Marriage may be defined by religious people, but the country is ruled by law, not faith.  If we were ruled by faith, like some other countries, women would be "owned" by men and oppressed in numerous other ways.

I'm sure I have more ranting somewhere in my head, but that let some steam off anyway....whew

2012: Week one

The past 7 days have lacked excitement.

The Mister is still unemployed.  He's been sleeping and lazing around.  I know he'll get a job soon, and totally don't blame him for taking some time to decompress after all the stress of his previous job.

I haven't seriously looked for a job yet because if he can't find a job here then we'll be moving.  He's the major income in our household, so where he works is where we'll live.

I've noticed a big change in his attitude, though.  He's calmer, less grumpy, and more patient with the dogs.  We've had the chance to have some good conversations, too.  So not everything has been bad about him not working.

I had a dream last night about us living in a trailer.  It was pretty trashy & falling apart.
Hoping things don't get that bad....

2011: wtf?

2011 was supposed to be a year like any other.  Instead, it turned into (unfortunately) a year unlike any other.

January
We got a new backsplash in the kitchen!  I slate and found some lovely tiles that I wanted.  Fortunately they also matched our colors, which keeps happening, no matter what I pick out, it seems.  And the end result looks gorgeous!

February
Received news at work that one of my co-workers was leaving.  And just as I was beginning to like her.  blah

March
Had my work annual review.  Learned that I did half of the computer work in the office.  Was told I needed to be nice to Yappy and more social in the office, but otherwise I was doing a great job at my WORK.
Co-worker that I liked left.  Major bummer.
Went to Spokane to visit the cousins and aunt & uncle the week of our birthday.  They surprised us with a cake and the song.  I was immensely touched.  I love them so much.
Got home to, SURPRISE!, Mom waiting for us at our house.  Wonderful birthday.  So happy no one made a big issue of turning 30.

April
Celebrated a full year in our new home.  Yay us!
Learned that co-workers really are immature children.  Requested going to part time and was allowed to do so, beginning May 1st.

May
Switched to part-time at work, finally.  After a week of it, co-workers got even MORE bitchy, so I gave my notice.  7 weeks of it.  I'd had enough and it was obvious that no matter how hard I tried, I would not be allowed to work quietly at work.
I planted my very first garden!  Strawberry plants only.  Hoping they survive the winter and produce again next year.

June
I FINALLY QUIT!!  The relief, the joy, and the mixture of a few dozen other positive emotions summed up my entire month.
Although I was originally planning to go to Spokane right away for the birth of my cousin's son, the plan changed after all.  So I stayed home and literally felt weight lift from me every day.  Best feeling in the world.
I also got to start taking the dogs for walks daily at the big County park.  They had so much fun!  It lasted only until the heat of July made it more difficult--getting up at 7 AM to take the dogs for a walk was soon too hot, even at that hour.

July
The Mister and I went to Denver.  Got Nigel fixed while we had a vacation around town.  Celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.
90ºF+ every day, rained every night, got to see my first electric lightning storm.  It was our first real vacation, spending more than a day seeing the sights and relaxing.  So lovely.

August
We sold Nigel and ordered a new MINI Countryman.  Saying goodbye to a car was harder than I thought.  He was my first true dream car made real.
Thus began my 3 month homebound journey.  It got old, fast.
But we also got a new heat pump installed in the house.  Heat pump's provide air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter.  Instead of running on gas, they run on electricity, so bills should be lower in the winter.

September
Tracked my new car on it's ship.  Obsessively.  Every day.  Multiple times a day.  It only took for.ev.er.

October
Things started getting shitty right about now.  Yes, I got my new car.  And the Mister got in a car accident.  It was his fault.
He got written up at work--for not reporting the accident right away, for not bringing his "A game" every day because of his chronic migraines.  His stress was high and no relief was in sight.  He was told that if he had a migraine, he wasn't allowed to come to work.

November
Mom came for a visit, we went to Broad Comedy.  It was a lovely visit.
The following week was Thanksgiving.  I made dinner.  Very proud of myself.

and....December
This month sucked.  Bad.
Received horrible news that made me doubt my life.
And the Mister got fired.  The day after Christmas.  For his "job performance".  Despite the fact that he'd gotten his migraines under control, continued to do his ad work, and was staying late (until almost 9 some nights) at least 3 days a week.

So now neither of us has a job.  It's not how I ever thought the year would end.  The Mister has always had such incredible work ethic, and he's an amazingly dedicated hard worker.
We may or may not be able to stay in our home.  We may or may not even be able to stay in Bozeman.  Although this gives him the chance to start a new job, where he'll hopefully be much happier, it's made our future look unbelievably questionable.

Life is suddenly a lot harder.
Here's hoping the New Year offers us a lot of great chances for a brighter future.

erratic apprising (random update)

Not a whole lot going on here lately.  It got cold, there's sky poo on the ground, and Smudge has returned from her sojourn to the spare bedroom for two months.

So now I'm back to the miraculous ability of multi-tasking:  pet the cat with one hand, rub Lily's paw (no idea why she likes this so much) with the other hand, and stroke Amber's belly with my foot.  Or pet the cat, rub Amber's neck, and pet Lily's belly with my foot.  The dogs are ok with foot love, the cat demands hand.

Smudge has declared Lily's kennel as her bed.  Lily hates me when I tell her to kennel up before realizing the cat's owning her place.
Their eyes only glow when they're in the kennel together, I promise.

Coolest packaging I've ever seen.  It came in the mail a couple of weeks ago.

Cut along dotted line, empty contents, turn inside out and enjoy the new satchel.  Seriously!?  

Turned inside out.

What was before a mailing pouch is now a reusable tote!  How flippin' cool is that!?

Not only has Smudge taken over Lily's kennel, she's helping herself to Amber's food.
I'm still trying to figure out why she thinks she's a dog.
Don't cats usually have disdain for dogs?

All that pilfering is exhausting.  And fattening.
Meet Pudge.

Amber is precious.  Sometimes she just sits there and stares at me.  I wish I could read her mind.

Fog!  Yay!!

This is spotted dick.  In a grocery store.
ew.

Moonrise.  Love it.

Lily doesn't sit & stare, she worms her way onto the couch and paws me until I pet her.
Or kiss her.
Or push her off.

No baking this year!  For the cookie exchange, I made peanut butter balls.  302 of them, to be exact.
This was just the first batch.

Don't my chocolate covered balls look yummy?

Smudge buries her face in pillows now, apparently.  Maybe it's a coping mechanism--if she can't see the dog coming, the dog won't come?
Or maybe it's because she's ashamed of herself for eating dog food?
Whatever the reason, I hope she realizes it makes breathing more difficult.

Biologically Related

I have an older brother.
I have an older sister.
My brother hasn't treated me like a sister since I was a kid.  He was, once upon a time, someone I looked up to, devotedly adored, and thought the world of.
He saved me from the bullying of my sister and sometimes let me hang out with him and his girlfriend.
Now, however, he is many things, none of them being anywhere near the loving, affectionate guy who used to write his little sister letters, or send her reward money for doing well in school,  or have any kind of interest in her life and happiness.
Now my older brother is a bitter, angry, alcoholic bully.  He never has a nice thing to say to me, so I generally try to avoid him.

My "sister" has never been much of one.  Memories of her include her calling me a virgin when I was 11.  As in, taunting me.  Because I didn't know what being a virgin was.
It was also at this time that she told me what a blowjob was.
Not long after this, she insisted I needed a boyfriend, she knew a guy.  The guy turned out to be 15 or 16 and, yeah.  That didn't happen.
When I was 13, she showed me what spermicide was and told me how it worked.
At one point she sicced the bird on me.  We had a parrot, a lesser sulfur-crested cockatoo.  He knew I was afraid of him, so he'd act aggressively toward me.  She decided to basically put him on me and let me try to get away from him.  He bit me, twice, hard enough to break the skin and leave some nasty bruises.
At 14, I thought I'd visit her at her new place in Great Falls.  She got drunk, I said something sarcastic, and she pinned me to the floor.  And proceeded to pound my head into the floor numerous times.
Instead of knowing better, instead of thinking enough was enough, I went back to visit a year later.  That time, in her super tiny apartment, with a pull-out twin bed and a pull-out full bed side by side, she thought it'd be "funny" to "pretend" to have sex with her boyfriend in the bed next to mine.  Loud sex.
How she hasn't caught some terminal VD by now, I'll never know.
A year after that she gave birth to my nephew.  Who, at the age of 10, told his mom he was going to jump out the window of their apartment to commit suicide.  Because she'd been teasing him about having back fat.
When he locked the door to his room and yelled at her what he was going to do, she laughed at him and told him that since they only lived on the second floor he'd probably just end up breaking a leg or something.
She ended up taking him to a children's mental health center.  Where, during the intake process, I witnessed her telling the doctor's on my nephew's case that he didn't help her enough, she has fibromyalgia and she's in a lot of pain most of the time and she needs him to do stuff for her and he just doesn't do enough.  She was clearly the victim in this situation.
My nephew has asthma.  My sister keeps a cat, or multiple cats, in her house.  And, when I tried to help her move from a place close to me, she evidently doesn't clean the liter box.  Ever.
Her cat(s) eventually piss and crap all over my nephew's stuff.
Not to mention the havoc they wreak on his asthma.  Along with dealing with his mother's smoking habit, in the house.
To put her name permanently on my shit list, she called my Mom a c*nt.  And told her that if she ever had another baby, Mom would never get to see it.
The longest position she's held at any level was for a law firm.  She worked there for 2 or 3 years.
Earlier this year she got a tax refund, so she quit the job she had.  I think she'd had that job for 6 whole months.
She's currently pregnant again, after a few attempts and miscarriages.  The father of the baby doesn't want anything to do with her.
I can honestly say, with ever fiber of my being, that I wish anything for that baby but her.  It would be merciful if she had a miscarriage.  It would be wise to have the child taken away from her after she gives birth.  Leave it in the forrest to be raised by wolves, give it to the CIA to be raised as an assassin.  Give it up for adoption to a couple who can financially and emotionally care for, coddle, and love it with no expectations or demands.
I'd offer to adopt it, if I could force words out of my mouth at her that weren't poisonous, venomous and full of disgust.

I'm going to go think of fluffy bunnies and kittens frolicking in the sun under a rainbow now.  Harsh negativity is over now.

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, like the last one, we spent home.  The Mister usually has to work the Friday & Saturday after the holiday, so we don't travel to be with family anymore.
Like last Thanksgiving, I made the Mister a turkey breast, because he lubs him some turkey.
Unlike last Thanksgiving, I made myself a ham, because I lubs me some turkey.
I also made some broccoli & cauliflower gratin, crescent rolls, sourdough, wild mushroom and bacon dressing, and blueberry cheesecake.
I'm so sick of leftovers now, I may not eat again until Christmas.
Here's some shots of the spread....

Nothing says nutrition like veggies smothered in cheesy goop.

Turkey & ham, just hanging out....

I love Mom's stuffing, but this stuff is really damn delicious.

I'm proud of myself, ok?

While I made dinner, I persuaded the Mister to complete a small project we've been putting off for awhile.  

Back in the spring, we had some little birdies break into the exhaust vent for the guest bathroom fan.  The little birdies made a little birdy nest and laid little birdy eggs in the nest that ended up becoming more little birdies.  The Mister, being the kind, nature-loving sort he is deep down inside, didn't want to move the nest until the little birdies had moved out for the year.

And so, after putting it off....the Mister made this while I made dinner.

Sadly, there was no ceiling cat awaiting us.

He found stuffing, too!

It snowed in our house on Thanksgiving.

What we originally thought would be a rather small task turned into a pain in the arse.
The little birdies managed to rip apart the vent tubing.  And, since it was Thanksgiving, there wasn't a hardware store open to get replacement tubing.  The birdies also managed to almost completely block the vent, which managed to explain why the fan had been so loud....
Anyway, the Super Mister got up at 5 AM on Black Friday to go to Lowes and get some replacement tubing.  How awesome is he!?
On top of that, he put the tubing in and re-wired and re-mounted the fan by the time I woke up at 7.
He's awesome, that Mister.

Mother

I should be cleaning.  My Mom is coming for a visit and she'll be here in two hours, hopefully.  Who knows, with the roads being winter and all...

I've mentioned my Mom a time or two before.  She's a big part of my life.  We have a really great relationship and I can't imagine who I'd be if not for her.
The most impressive thing about my Mom is her heart.  It's huge.  I think her entire body is heart.  If not, then her entire spirit is.
Mom welcomes so many people into her heart.  She's become the mother figure to so many cousins and friends.  If you're down on your luck, if you're an emotional mess, my Mom is who you go to.  She's let people move in when they needed help, she knows the healing power of a hug or a shoulder to cry on.  She's forgiven the many slights of her children.

Mom yelled at a cop, for me.  She chased down a bus on a two-lane highway in fog, for me.  She's done much more for others.
I'll never understand how she does it, but I'll always admire her for it.

Mom loves to laugh.  It's so easy to make her laugh.  Her huge heart has got to be filled with laughter, and joy.  Her close friends have been laughing with her for my lifetime.  She's loyal and a wonderful friend.

We have differing views on some things, like politics, but when I speak, she listens, and vice versa.  We respect each other's opinions, even if we disagree.

When I was a kid in elementary school she worked 3 jobs, one full-time and two part-time, to support her kids.  I never once heard her complain or felt any kind of resentment against us.  She's loved us so much, no matter what.  Even when my brother left for Washington and came back a different, mean person.  Even when my sister came home drunk when she was 16, or moved out 3 times, or called her nasty names.  Even when I went against her wishes to go to Canada alone, at 18, and see a strange man.

She hasn't always agreed with my decisions, but she's always supported me no matter what.
She went to every band concert I played in, no matter what.

I hear horror stories about other mothers who are nasty to their kids or really opinionated or extremely disapproving of everything and appreciate my Mom all the more for the amazing woman she is.

Mom used to make me clean the house when people were coming over and I always swore  that I would NEVER clean before someone came to MY house because, please, if they know me, they know I'm not a super clean person.

But whatever.  Mom's coming, so I need to get back to cleaning, so she knows she didn't raise a disgusting, messy kid.

I love you, Mom

I had to put it in bigger letters so she could read it in case she's got watery eyes.  ;o)

This Thanksgiving, and every Thanksgiving, and every other day, I'm so grateful for my wonderful Mom.

Dear Retail Stores

Yes, I understand that Christmas is coming.
And yes, I understand that Christmas is the biggest sale season all year.
I also understand that you want to remind people that Christmas is coming so they get out their credit cards and spend, spend, spend in your store.

However,
Christmas music makes me cranky.  It makes me not want to shop in your store.  It makes me wish for temporary hearing loss.
Christmas music is fine and great the week or two before Christmas, I can not get twitchy when I hear it.  Sadly, during that period of time I'm generally ready to never go into a store ever again because I'm so fed up with hearing Jingle Bells or Silent Night or Mariah Carey singing Christmas songs from the previous weeks of damage.

I'm not a Grinch, I'm not a Scrooge, I just hate that Christmas has become a time of one-upmanship, a day of "who got the best present?", and it's no longer what it was when I was a kid....a time for family, for being close to the people you love, for children to be A LITTLE spoiled and not feel like they got slighted if they didn't get that one specific thing they asked for, didn't you SEE their wish list on Amazon!?

Ugh.
I'm having a hard time resolving the fact that Christmas will never be what it was.  Is it too obvious?

To Do List

In no particular order....

• Alaska
• Hawaii (even though I REALLY don't like islands)
• Italy
• Southern France
• UK
• British Columbia
• Australia